Thursday, July 27, 2006


I am sad. My eyes are watery and have been brimming with anxious tears for 3 hours. It might be hormonal. The hormones help. But I am not okay. I am letting myself get wrapped up in something I am not currently passionate about. Why am I letting other people decide how I spend my time? I wish I wasn't so indecisive.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


I am sitting at work, crying uncontrollably and I hoping this will help me regain some composure. Lets review the facts of the day, shall we? For the last three weeks I have been alone during massively busy conventions all morning long. Today is the first day it has not been busy, AND I have two people working with me. So what happens? My boss calls to ask if I can stay overtime and go work in a different area because it might get busy. Oh and this is my Friday. I hung up the phone and burst into tears.. I tried to stop it but for some reason I am mentally fucked when it comes to my job right now. I remain clam and I get stuff done (which is more than I can say for some) but the moment this boss asks me to stay overtime I just want to scream "fuck you I quit!!!" Which I would have done about 10 times in the last month alone but I am stuck here because I need to save money in order to pay for Russia. The quartet is going to Russia to sing for 10 days in August and I still need like 3,000. I started needing about 5,000.... paid 1,000 already and mom offered up 1,000 ... I have about 1,500 in savings and if I wipe myself out I have 1,000 in checking. The total for Russia isn't exact... I added some $ for spending in Russia (ya never know... but there is always spending on trips) In a month or so I will have all the money... but then there are things like.. I like my gyno and my dentist and I dont want to lose the ability to go there and if I quit without a back-up job.. I have no insurance. Which is bad. Plus I need gas money and rent money and general goods money. (like clothing that fits and basic hygiene needs) So I am thinking of that. you know what.. another one of my bosses walked by and saw me and said to go if I needed to go. Screw this I am so out of here. I have been crying for my whole fucking lunch hour. I am so burned out it is rediculous. I never knew what this could be like before but I cant do it.