Sunday, January 20, 2008

I'm sorry I hurt you

So its weird when certain songs come into your life and seem to fit in perfectly as backround music for whatever situation you are in. I remember sitting in my car in the driveway listening to this song on the radio when I was struggling with telling Chris that I was going to move out... knowing that meant we really were over and it wasn't a bad patch or something. I was just too disconnected ... I had stepped too far back to look at the situation that I was not happy with and I could see all of the things that didn't work... and this is when I realized I really had given up on us. I was angry all the time and the more I stepped back the more he seemed to try to hold on. And I really felt like I couldn't say I'm sorry to him for leaving... I felt like it was too late for that. He already knew. He just wasn't ready to accept it even though he had been talking me out of the relationship for months. Even now, that moment overcomes me and I feel a tear well up involuntarily. We were really great together for a while. I'll always love you like family.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

don't wanna get up...

So I was going to sleep in this morning a little bit.. ha ha ha. I went to bed at 2am and woke up at 7am. Thats only 5 hours. I blame the huge, bright window next to the bed that I am currently staying in. How did I ever sleep in before? This used to be my room when I lived here. Now my step-sis Christine occupies it. She is out of town. Good timing for me but she gets back next weekend. Still tired.

Quartet is singing today. We are singing the Anthem for Metro for some event at the Suncoast. I didn't want to go in to work today, but I have to do a bill review for SAP FKOM, my other big group. Once they are gone I will be very very happy. Actually, compared to ASF, FKOM is easy and just something I need to be over so I can rope in ASF. Funny, they have problems with every other department though... apparently Palazzo still has some cleaning up to do. Understandable since its only been open a week. Tomorrow should be fun... 3000 arrivals.

I still need my quartet clothes for the gig today. I went over to the house last night after I left and realized I didn't have my keys... so there I am, exhausted, 11:45pm in the cold sitting in my car staring at the house I have been in for the last 2 years... knowing my stuff was in there and my house key is a 1 hour roundtrip car ride away. Oh and Chris, who never would go out before, was gone so he couldn't let me in either. blah. such is life.

Joe is sick. He has been in the 100s for 4 days now. I told him to go back to work (the ER) and have them reevaluate because what he is taking isn't working. His roommates went to Disneyland and packed food for the trip. So he is all alone, in CA, no food, and sick. I went online and found the home delivery service for groceries. It was going to be a surprise but he wouldn't let up so I told him about it. Then he made a few sickie requests, so I modified the order... besides... I'm not there. That should be arriving today. :) I didn't tell him what was in the order though. Yeay to some element of surprise!

I should probably get ready. FKOM said they weren't going to do the bill review before 9am.. but I can't imagine it will be much later and I still need to shower, get dressed, do make-up, and drive!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

New Beginnings

It is time I start posting here again. I think I will take the link off of Myspace that leads here so only those who have bookmarked me or find me accidentally can read it.

I have been working like crazy... coming in at 730 or 8am and leaving the office between 10pm and 130am. I am overloaded at work and most likely won't get a day off this week.

I am also looking for a place to live. Plans keep arising and then falling through. I have an offer in another state but I am not ready to leave this one. Too much going on here right now for me.

My quartet is awesome. I love them and I love singing. I am not as in to my chorus right now and I am not sure I actually have the time to sing with them. I am doing too much and its the only thing I have that I can actually let go of. Will need to talk it over with the quartet.

I have other news. I am smitten. I am not really telling anyone but there are a few who have figured it out. Mainly Melissa, Jeff and probably Heather. There are a few negative points though. He doesn't live here, some of his family members have been trying to steer him away since they found out that we were talking, and neither of us can move right now. Yeah, I said it. That's a big statement, I know. I am as surprised as you are. But you don't know him and you don't know us. Melissa said she knew how crazy we are about each other and I said how can you tell and she said you just have to spend a few minutes around the two of you... what are they blind? This was all done by email and I am bad at word for word remembrances.
We are making big plans while making fun of ourselves for being such idiots. Today (yesterday technically) was the 1 month anniversary of the first day that we actually met in person. We had been talking almost every day for an hour or two for about two weeks before that. And now you can't get us off the phone. I'm probably going to get in trouble for being on personal calls so often at work but I can talk to him and do my job at the same time... Time passes quickly and even though we have silent time, it is comforting and nice. And when we get talking... try shutting us up! I just wish he were around to touch more often.

Well, that's enough for tonight. I needed to sleep a while ago.
Thanks friends.

Defn of Suzanne?

What Suzanne Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.
But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.